Who Am I?

I remember a time in my life where I thought I knew I had everything planned out to the end of my life. When  I would graduate from High School, move out of my parents house,  I would go to college, I would marry John Stamos, and we would live happily ever after. I thought we would go on to be a famous couple saving the world, him acting and singing and me with the Dolphins, in the field of marine biology and joining Him to sing along on the weekends and when I could along the way. Sounded like a great dream, I even carried a picture around of him to confirm "our love." Sounds so funny to me now, a silly notion from a 12 yr old little girl who didn't know what she was even thinking about at the time, much less sure about love. The only think I know for sure is that I WAS SO WRONG, even then.

I got older and tried again to figure out my life, deciding the Military would be the right place for me, then college later, no plans of marriage or kids, since I didn't like the thought of either one by this time. I wanted to live alone, be alone, and have peace and quiet for a lifetime. Oh man, that even sounded better than a life with John Stamos, but was still farther from anything that really happened to me. I remember my struggles in my life to figure out who I was, what was my real identity. I was from a family of seven, five siblings, everyone of them fighting for the attention of my parents and each other. All I wanted was peace and quiet. I wanted a life of my own, without hearing, "Oh, you are Jeanne's Sister, Jimmy's Sister, Oh you are that preacher's kid, aren't you?" Then later, after High School, when my life started veering far from my plan, I became "Bob's wife," "T.J.'s Mommy," and in my college, I was quickly becoming, "Jinny's Daughter." Then adding two daughters to the mix just sent my world into a tail spin.

Never once did anyone say, "Oh there's Janet!" It was so hard to not know who I was. I kept praying that God would reveal to me who I was, where I was going or why I couldn't see me in this whole mess we called, "My Life" and I was getting pretty fed up with it all. I loved being a mom, that surprisingly was the ONLY THING about my life I was loving at the time. Then one day I had, ENOUGH! I wanted everything to stop, I wanted to scream, hit something, throw something, or just give up. I couldn't stand it anymore and I was just, DONE! I didn't know how it was going to happen, but I was going to find myself, I was going to figure out who this Janet everyone else knew really was, and whether or not I really liked her at all or not.

I was reading the scriptures, it talked about how I was "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Ps 149:14), that God in all His goodness, "KNEW ME," (Ps 139:1) that He knew me before the world ever was, before I was ever in the womb, and that He called me out, from my mother's womb and anointed me for His purpose (Jer. 1:5, Isa. 44:1, Isa. 49:1,5). He had a special job for me, and all I needed to know was that I was, "Janet Clausen, Daughter of the Almighty God and King, the Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace." Wow, that made me a princess. I am the princess, heir to the Kingdom of God. He chose me, brought me out, saved my soul, and gave me a new name, a new life, and a new since of being and purpose. "Oh I am still Mommy, Daughter, Wife, and Pastor, but I never again have to ask, "Who Am I?" because, I am known by the Lord God Himself, I now know, I am the child of the Almighty God, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, who I am.