Letting Go and Letting God, the Hardest Thing to Do In Our Children's Lives

You know, I was thinking today about all the times we go through or go over and over the same things in our lives. You think that you have made it past a certain point in the conversation where you believe you are actually going to move on or grow from what the issue was, to what it could be, and then you find out, OH NO! It has started all over again. You go back around again, thinking this time it will all be different, things will change and that you have this all under control. Then one day you realize, you have no control at all, if you did, your life would be completely different. When you are a child of God though, you have a way to make those choices that make your life different. You choose to submit to God, to His will, give Him the control and allow Him to face the tempters snares, allow Him to carry you through your trials, and then you find out, that if you had just given Him that control along time ago, your trials, that mountain you kept circling would have been smaller and probably less visits from the start.

You see, as we live and move and have our being, we have ways as Children of God that we are supposed to be living, and we know that the Word of God gives us clear guidelines how to live as a child of God, the decisions we are to make and the path we are to follow. It is up to us, as His children to read, study that word and submit to His call on your life, no matter what our own will wants us to do instead. It is like raising children…

When my children were small, I talked to them, gave them strict rules and guidelines, and told them how things were going to be while they lived in my home. They, as children had to submit to the authority of the home and obey the rules and follow the teachings that I chose to teach them as they grew. Then there is a day, I don't know exactly when that day is for most, but I remember, I just had felt this unctioning, heard a still small voice, almost a feeling in my spirit that said, "mom, it is time to let them figure some things out for themselves, DON’T walk away or leave them alone in this quest, but to let them start figuring out their own values, beliefs, and core life codes for themselves." They still had to obey the rules of the house and obey Bob and I while they live here at home, but for their spiritual walk and direction, it was time for each of them to start deciding for themselves, what God has for their lives, what God expects from them as children, teenagers, students, employees, and also as Christians.

I remember that day between me and my own parents, I felt a sense of pride and excitement when my parents told me that "it was time to start figuring out where I stand and what I believe for my self." I was twelve and mom handed me my very first Scolfield Bible Study Bible, they wanted me to have it, cherish it, and to use it to begin deciding in my own heart what God had for me, what He was saying to me, and how I was going to live my life as I grew up. I remember so many emotions and feelings going into that moment and that day, how I was so excited to have such a grown up bible to have on my own. Not that it made my path any easier nor did I have less further to travel in my own journeys to get to where I am now, but I remember thinking, "Wow, if I am going to be grown up, I guess it is time to figure it out for myself." It was a scary task I had to undertake, but it was one I carried seriously in my heart and life, and felt a sense of being grown up for myself. 

Now I am grown with three kids of my own, having already passed down this tradition to them, and along with a new study bible of their own, to use and meditate on, to figure out their next steps and where they stand on the word of God. I still pray everyday that God will lead and guide each of them along the way. I am still very much involved and am responsible to oversee their spiritual walk for their lives and hearts, according to God, but instead of forcing them to read their bibles, memorize scripture and pray everyday, which they would come to resent, I encourage them to seek God for answers, I offer them nuggets of wisdom and help with deeper meaning of scriptures along the way as they read and study for themselves. I don’t push my way in to a situation, I wait to be invited, I wait for God to show me how to lead into a situation, so that they feel as if they are the ones making these decisions with God, and NOT MOMMY forcing them to make a decision that God may not have for them at the time to do, because He may be leading them in a different direction than I would have them to go. It is His decision, not mine.

Is this a perfect way of giving up the reigns of their spiritual lives and walk as children? Well, I don’t know for every family, but I know for our family, that God showed me that giving them the responsibility would allow them a chance to seek Him for themselves, it would give them a sense of authority in their own spiritual lives and they are not being forced to believe something or do something that they would resent later on down the road. He showed me that the reason I didn't run from God totally, didn't give up on living as a Christian was because, I was allowed to decide for myself what I believed or what I didn't believe and was allowed to seek my “own salvation with fear and trembling,” as the Bible says to do for ourselves.

I asked my daughter how doing this for them made her feel at such a  young age, and she told me today… “It gave me a sense of trust, that you trusted me, and allowed me to make my own decisions based on the values and standards from God, that you instilled on my life, and it showed me that you believed in me enough to make certain decisions for myself with God’s help, and that you would support me in my quest for knowledge and truth with God on my own.”

 My son told me once that when I gave him this time alone, “it showed me mom that you saw me as a growing young man, and not your little boy anymore. That you could see a future adult in me and that I would need to know what to stand on and how to stand for God on my own, without my mommy “telling me what to do.”

You see, giving them this responsibility for themselves was a HUGE STEP for ME, and the scariest thing I had ever done. I am a control freak, and I want to control every aspect of our lives to make sure all goes according to plan, that everything turns out great and no one gets hurt in any way, because mommy can “fix anything…” Right? WRONG!!! I felt like, God had given me such an awesome responsibility in raising these children, even though it was an honor, and I am so proud to have these three as my own, I just never wanted to mess things up, I never wanted them to see the bad in any person or in any situation, so I wanted to shield them from all of that until they were old enough to handle it on their own.

But God… the scriptures say that in so many places, But God, who knows all, who sees all, and knows my good intentions, knew that this was not a reality for them, that they had to be able to know how to face life and life’s challenges on their own, because mommy won’t be around all the time. He also knows, that mommy is human, and even though she tries to do her best to follow His will at all times, that even Mommies don’t always do everything according to God’s will. So He needed mommy to get out of the way. To let go of the reigns and let God take control of these precious ones He entrusted me with for the time.

It is easy to say we give God everything, until we have to let go of something really special to us, and for me it was my children. Letting go of my control, my ways and let God show them a clearer, more excellent way. That they had to transfer their faith and trust that was in mommy into their God, in to the God of all gods. They had to learn that when the chips were down, not even mommy could help, ONLY GOD, could come to their rescue. Not that mommy is entirely worthless anymore, but that I had to learn how to get out of my own way, and let God in to control their lives, to let them learn how to put their faith in God and to submit to His will and His power in their lives. That He has a plan for each of them, and in order for Him to be able to reveal that plan, He had to be the one they were listening to and looking to for answers.

God entrusted me to teach them love, honor, and respect, communication and conflict management in our home, between all of us, and how to build relationships with family and others through these attributes, so that they would be able to understand and learn how to build their one-on-on relationship with God, almighty. I have not been, nor will I ever be teaching my children religion or cramming church down their throats, I was introducing them to God, their Heavenly Father, and they needed to know how to dig deep into a real relationship, in order to be able to know Him as intimately as they knew one another, and even as deep or deeper than they knew me, as their mother. We started when they were small, pointing their way to God, then I had the pleasure of leading them each, individually, in their own time, to God as their personal savior.

Now that I have given them the ability and the reigns on their own personal walk with God, teaching them personal integrity and honoring their word to others, I am not done by any means. They are still my responsibility until they are grown and out of my home, and they know that as well. I am still here to oversee their lives, to train them up in the Lord, how to be a productive and honest member of society, and how to treat others as well as submit to the authority over them, no matter the situation. I just take a smaller role in this aspect of their lives now that God is in control. As an overseer, I have to understand that they need help with gaining knowledge, getting wisdom and understanding, as stated in Proverbs 4:7, but that I wait for them to call on me when they need deeper meaning or help in the scriptures. That I have to be patient in their trials to not jump in and fix it for them, but wait for them to ask me for advice, prayer or insight. It isn't for me to over run God’s will for them, but to help them along the way, when called upon to do so. I can pray for them, stand in the gap when I see there is a trial along the way, but I have to stand back and let them Stand on God’s word, to lean on Him for all understanding and Trust in the Lord for all He has for them to do. They need to know how to call on the Lord when they are in trouble, NOT MOMMY. They need to know that God, who has performed a good work in them, will be faithful to complete it, over time, with them, NOT with me.

Pray for your children, Bless them, give them the blessing on their lives to overcome evil with God, and to prosper, be a success in all they set out to do, with God on their side, and pray that they will continue to allow God to run their lives, that they will seek Him in all they do, and all their lives. Be the example they need, and when God allows you to be, ask Him to let you be the Lighthouse pointing the way to God, when they come to the rocky times in their lives and can’t find their way through on their own. Can you do that for them? I know you can. Ask God to give you a peace to be able to let go and let Him take over in your place. To comfort you in this letting go process, because it can seem so hard, but God will encourage you, lift you up, and when you let Him in to control your life as well as theirs, He will send angels to minister to your heart and show you a more excellent way too.